The Habit of Being Awake

On nights I can't sleep, which is basically every night, I like to make lists of likes and dislikes. I then compare myself against the lists I create to see how many of the "dislike" column I do, and make note to stop. Sleeplessly, last night, I decided I like dreams where I am eating ice cream. I quickly decided right after, that I disliked telling people this because I was either going to sound anorexic or fat, although I couldn't figure out which one more people would side with. The dislike column tends to weigh a little heavier, its always easier to find things you don't like than do. I detest the word moist, or even worse the combination of "moist towelette," which people always seem to over enunciate. My skin crawls when women say their favorite movie is the notebook, which I fell asleep watching on five different occasions before I ever made it through the movie. It's possible that this is a dislike because I am afraid my lack of interest, or critical analysis of the movie, means that there is something wrong with my vagina and my tear ducts. I came to the same decision after watching Titanic, instead of shedding a tear, I evaluated the situation and came to the conclusion that boat travel was something that I am strongly against. Along with these I also don't like: fluorescent orange, duct tape (for several different reason but mainly because I consider it a weapon), uneven numbers, the amount of time if added up I would waste in my lifetime doing my nails if I were to consistently keep up with them, bathrooms decorated with a sea shell theme, mainly because I have never found the common connection between relieving your body of waste and the beach, Tosh.0, small trees, the never ending battle between blonds and brunettes, people that display kitchen knives, hugging upon introduction instead of shaking hands, wooden baskets, the texture of several different materials, and the impending doom I feel taking a bath with any electrical appliance in my house left out in the open. Maybe this is just a dysfunctional girls way of counting sheep, but I like to see it as some type of self reflection. Before actually making a final attempt to close my eyes I decide that I will throw away all of my children's fluorescent orange erasers, more or less because I find the color a sign of caution, and not suitable to correct errors in math or language arts. I will keep the movie the Notebook displayed knowing that I will never watch it, and quietly condemn Nicholas Sparks for making me wonder if there is in fact something actually wrong with my vagina. I won't trust a single person that displays their kitchen knives, I will ignore the duct tape because I refuse to keep it in my house, cut my nails short, make a note to start hiding my electrical appliances before bathing, introduce myself to people with a suitable distance between us, write a letter to Tosh.0 letting him know that I disapprove of what he thinks comedy is, hold any bladder or bowel movement where ever sea shells are involved,make a solemn vowel to myself to never buy or accept anything that says "blonde's are better" or "blonde's have more fun", and finally not to leave my self stuck in any situation where I might have to basket weave, prune small trees, rub uncomfortable material, or end a counting sequence with an uneven number. At this point, its four in the morning, I've drank two glasses of wine. I do indeed before falling asleep throw away the fluorescent orange eraser sitting out on the dining room table, and display "The Notebook" right between "Sleeping with the Enemy" and "The Stepford Wives" which I find morbidly fitting, make a quick mental note of what I would say to Tosh.0 if he were in the room with me, decide that I have spent my time productively making myself a better person and fall asleep.

This is the habit of being awake, my screwed up little way to count sheep. I'd like to think that when left with your own thoughts you all have these strange little inner dialouges with yourself, but I'm going to assume that the majority of you are going to start suggesting sleep pills...and as long as they aren't flourescent orange or prescribed in odd numbers I might consider taking them.